no computer

my laptop decided to lose it's mind this morning. apparently, there's some sort of error in the system that needs some fixin. i was sad when my dad took it to get looked at. i felt as if a part of me was sick. i know, it's sad. i'm addicted to my laptop. but it's all for a good cause....i think.

the plus side of it all is that i got other stuff done. i got to explore more of my creative side as i made a couple of cards. i found out that old cards are good for more than making little jewelry boxes. they can actually become new cards. and with care, big envelopes can become small envelopes....yeah, i'm sure that really intrigues you.

anyway, i'm on the hunt for better health methods. it's hard to decide between meds and natural ideas. though part of my decision making will be made based on what i'm told by doctors, i realize that they don't always say all they could say. they often want you out of their office asap so they shove a prescription in your hand or, better yet, tell you about an over the counter that'll do the trick. but i will sit in ignorance no longer! i'm going to do my research so that when i see the good doctor, i have relevant questions, comments, insights, etc. -- sometimes they just need to know that you're not just there to get a sugar pill. you're for real. you're not some nut case with a chronic case of nuttiness.

when they thought i had a heart problem and were doing all sorts of heart tests, i researched the heart. i figured out how the blood flows, why it goes in a certain pattern, the various conditions that interrupt that pattern. i went into a checkup one day with a bunch of questions and a printout of a heart with labels and all. the doctor was a bit surprised, i could tell. but he respected my efforts and took the time to break it all down a bit more as it related to my specific crazy situation.

but there come times when it's all a bit overwhelming and all i want is a quick fix or at least a quick reassurance of some sort. we'll see what tomorrow brings. and the day after and......this may have a happy ending while here on earth. it may not. i prefer the former but believe the latter. does that mean i don't have faith? i don't think so. i just keep on learning that not all is rosey but that that doesn't determine whether or not i die smiling :)

i've become a fighter.