so i've found long lost friends, and when i say long lost, i mean long lost!
it's fabulous. the site is sometimes a time waster but the connections are worth it!
yay for technology!
23.3.05
20.3.05
chocolat
i just saw the film for the first time.
it was beautiful, and i don't use the "b" word often.
if for just moments we all lived only to care for others and be honest in our love...if for just moments we all lived despite critical eyes and wicked tongues...if for just moments we all lived...if for just
if words were all we had, if we never spoke but behind curtains, then we could cry excuse. but we have action. we have hands to set tables, feet to walk beside a friend, ears to hear the major in the minor, and the list goes on. why don't we? why stay content in word errected temples that worship nothing but self?
it was beautiful, and i don't use the "b" word often.
if for just moments we all lived only to care for others and be honest in our love...if for just moments we all lived despite critical eyes and wicked tongues...if for just moments we all lived...if for just
if words were all we had, if we never spoke but behind curtains, then we could cry excuse. but we have action. we have hands to set tables, feet to walk beside a friend, ears to hear the major in the minor, and the list goes on. why don't we? why stay content in word errected temples that worship nothing but self?
18.3.05
16.3.05
stupid, stupid, stupid!
so here's part of the cover letter i submitted for a job i actually want.
Being able to facilitate the growth literature is one thing in particular that I'm both passionate about and committed to.
As I teacher, I've taught courses in speech and English and currently, I work as a tutor for an adult literacy program.
how dumb can i be? this is a lesson in not rushing!!
Being able to facilitate the growth literature is one thing in particular that I'm both passionate about and committed to.
As I teacher, I've taught courses in speech and English and currently, I work as a tutor for an adult literacy program.
how dumb can i be? this is a lesson in not rushing!!
15.3.05
i'm a bit out of it sometimes -- i'm an artist!
i just realized that i probably appear out of it to some on many occasions. it's often cuz i'm smothered in thoughts and i'd rather spend time with them than talk to someone. i know -- a bit crazy, huh.
well, it's me.
spent good time at Kavachinos again tonight! Massiel and i joked about her having a pen and journal in her coffin and waking up when Jesus comes with the frantic desire to pen, "He's here" before being transported. i love it!
if you don't live here, you really should visit so that you too can say you've been to Kavachinos. Starbucks, Smarbucks. Kava's is above and beyond that spent example of gentrification, materialism, and ideology gone bad. i have no clue what i just said. i just love Kava's and i don't use the "l" word that often!
well, it's me.
spent good time at Kavachinos again tonight! Massiel and i joked about her having a pen and journal in her coffin and waking up when Jesus comes with the frantic desire to pen, "He's here" before being transported. i love it!
if you don't live here, you really should visit so that you too can say you've been to Kavachinos. Starbucks, Smarbucks. Kava's is above and beyond that spent example of gentrification, materialism, and ideology gone bad. i have no clue what i just said. i just love Kava's and i don't use the "l" word that often!
13.3.05
tears
i spent the weekend at a women's retreat. had i not been asked to be part of the praise team, i wouldn't have gone. it's not something i'm drawn to. the thought of spending hours with estrogen makes me a bit weary.
it was actually enjoyable for the most part. i wasn't ready for the emotional strain. so much crying took place. the tears were about to fall from my eyes on a few occasions but i wouldn't let them. i wasn't trying to have a headache. but at the same time, i saw the healing the tears allow. you cry. (in a way) you empty yourself of whatever's causing you pain. you're now ready to be filled with the positive. you see light at the end of the tunnel. you feel refreshed. the hurt may not all be over but you've truly started to heal.
i realized all that because i've been there before. it all ticked me off, however, cuz in certain ways i'm still there. some things you never get over. you see the light but you never get over.
we're human.
it was actually enjoyable for the most part. i wasn't ready for the emotional strain. so much crying took place. the tears were about to fall from my eyes on a few occasions but i wouldn't let them. i wasn't trying to have a headache. but at the same time, i saw the healing the tears allow. you cry. (in a way) you empty yourself of whatever's causing you pain. you're now ready to be filled with the positive. you see light at the end of the tunnel. you feel refreshed. the hurt may not all be over but you've truly started to heal.
i realized all that because i've been there before. it all ticked me off, however, cuz in certain ways i'm still there. some things you never get over. you see the light but you never get over.
we're human.
7.3.05
book done
yah, so i've finished writing My Inanition and now i'm working on a book proposal and looking for a publisher. i have no idea how to best go about it all so i'm seeking the help of a few friends and scanning the WWW ... is it bad to judge a publishing house by its web site? some of them simply stink!
6.3.05
How to trust your feelings without losing your mind - Part 3
I just realized that I should say this:
In order to be able to trust your feelings, you have to make sure that you're feeding your feelings appropriately. For example, if you're always tuned in to pop culture and nothing more, your feelings will probably be based on the ideas of people making a lot more money than you, living lives you'll never live, having problems you don't ever want to have. But you may think (subconsciously) that what they have is what you need. Therefore, when you make decisions based on your feelings, you're not making decisions based on who you are without the rest of the world in your head. Consequently, you'll never find satisfaction, you'll always feel lower on the success stick (that is also a figment of your pop culture imagination), and you'll remain stuck in an angst-filled "I don't know what to do" world.
Okay?
So now what?
Feed you feelings appropriately by getting rid of all those things, people, attitudes, etc, that don't help you see yourself the way God sees you. I won't spoon feed you with texts. If you want to be able to trust your feelings from time you time, you'll do your homework yourself.
This will probably be the last one of these...I'm not fond of creating sequels.
In order to be able to trust your feelings, you have to make sure that you're feeding your feelings appropriately. For example, if you're always tuned in to pop culture and nothing more, your feelings will probably be based on the ideas of people making a lot more money than you, living lives you'll never live, having problems you don't ever want to have. But you may think (subconsciously) that what they have is what you need. Therefore, when you make decisions based on your feelings, you're not making decisions based on who you are without the rest of the world in your head. Consequently, you'll never find satisfaction, you'll always feel lower on the success stick (that is also a figment of your pop culture imagination), and you'll remain stuck in an angst-filled "I don't know what to do" world.
Okay?
So now what?
Feed you feelings appropriately by getting rid of all those things, people, attitudes, etc, that don't help you see yourself the way God sees you. I won't spoon feed you with texts. If you want to be able to trust your feelings from time you time, you'll do your homework yourself.
I pray you see the light.
This will probably be the last one of these...I'm not fond of creating sequels.
How to trust your feelings without losing your mind - Part 2
All this talk about me is so selfish.
WHATEVER!!!!!
All this talk about me is what I need. If I don't talk about me, I'll smack somebody.
This past weekend, I went away. I took the Greyhound (yes I did) one hour north and sang with some friends for church. The weekend was a blessing from start to finish. The moment I got onto the bus, I knew I needed to be on it. I'd tried finding a ride but this was one of those times when it was best for me not to have to make conversation.
I looked out the window and got caught up in thought. I reluctantly gave up the seat beside me. (I know I need to work on my selflessness.) I slept. I didn't even read through my book as planned. When I got to my destination, I was ready to rehearse, ready to sing to and for God and believe every word. I already felt a sort of renewal.
Now that I'm back home, I'm almost ready for the week ahead. Physically, I'm exhausted and I'll hopefully get to bed by 9. Mentally, I'm okay: just need to plan almost every moment of this week. Spiritually, I'm trusting God to guide me. Emotionally...
My emotions helped me to this point. I felt like leaving. I left. I didn't try to intellectualize leaving. I didn't try to forecast how it would benefit me in the future. I just left. I didn't run from anything. I actually dealt with everything while I was away. And I'll keep on dealing till the cows come home. And if I ever need to get away again, you better believe I will.
If you take a vacation, it's because you need a break from something. But if you don't make the most of your vacation, you're wasting time.
WHATEVER!!!!!
All this talk about me is what I need. If I don't talk about me, I'll smack somebody.
This past weekend, I went away. I took the Greyhound (yes I did) one hour north and sang with some friends for church. The weekend was a blessing from start to finish. The moment I got onto the bus, I knew I needed to be on it. I'd tried finding a ride but this was one of those times when it was best for me not to have to make conversation.
I looked out the window and got caught up in thought. I reluctantly gave up the seat beside me. (I know I need to work on my selflessness.) I slept. I didn't even read through my book as planned. When I got to my destination, I was ready to rehearse, ready to sing to and for God and believe every word. I already felt a sort of renewal.
Now that I'm back home, I'm almost ready for the week ahead. Physically, I'm exhausted and I'll hopefully get to bed by 9. Mentally, I'm okay: just need to plan almost every moment of this week. Spiritually, I'm trusting God to guide me. Emotionally...
My emotions helped me to this point. I felt like leaving. I left. I didn't try to intellectualize leaving. I didn't try to forecast how it would benefit me in the future. I just left. I didn't run from anything. I actually dealt with everything while I was away. And I'll keep on dealing till the cows come home. And if I ever need to get away again, you better believe I will.
If you take a vacation, it's because you need a break from something. But if you don't make the most of your vacation, you're wasting time.
3.3.05
4 police dead; so is the killer
a drug bust gone nasty. happened earlier today northwest of edmonton, the city of champions.
i feel bad for the families that have lost husbands, fathers, brothers, love. but i feel nothing for the police force. sound bad? perhaps. i don't wish harm to police but for all the bad many of them do, it's hard to think, "wow, what a blow to the force; what a loss." instead i think, "oh well."
it's a shame, i know.
i feel bad for the families that have lost husbands, fathers, brothers, love. but i feel nothing for the police force. sound bad? perhaps. i don't wish harm to police but for all the bad many of them do, it's hard to think, "wow, what a blow to the force; what a loss." instead i think, "oh well."
it's a shame, i know.