it's been a year

since i've been blogging. lovely.

it's official....

"lovely" is one of my favourite words.

yum.

okay....must walk and sing and talk and smile.

skaaaaaaaating

lovely!!!! (no, that's not where i skated)

skating is enough like rollerblading that it wasn't hard. (it was my second time on the ice. the first time was about 7 years ago!) and the ice was smooth enough and the night was warm yet cold enough. and the sky was dark enough. and the pond was big enough. and the fire was warm enough. and the friends were enough.

it was a little piece of....yes....heaven. i'm pretty sure we'll be able to wade in a lagoon and skate on a pond in the same day :)

this is how to enjoy winter--GET OUTSIDE!

folks think i'm crazy when they see me out for my afternoon walk. yes, it's cold. yes, it's often freezing. but i've got just enough layers on and just enough determination to allow my legs the privilege of pounding pavement.

but i don't have enough life in these eyes to write more.

till later...

so much better

i realize that this could be short lived...if i let it. but regardless, i must document this moment. and as overused a phrase though it be, God is good!!!

i sang like my life depended on it...it often does. music has a way of reaching me more than i think it reaches those i'm there to minister to.

ah. life's still good.

i'm crying

because once again i'm tired of being tired. because i don't feel strong and though feelings only go so far i want mine to be positive. because in about four hours i'll sing for a revelation seminar and i'm not ready. because instead of singing words of encouragement i want to be sung to. because maybe in someone else's words, in someone else's voice, i'll get back that feeling

and i've stopped crying now
because i've taken the time to let these words out
but my head's exploding both from dry eye pain and tears
it's a double hurt
it's a double curse
i'd rather not be reminded
so often
that i'm breakable
that i'm blind

this is what i long for. moments of continuous tapping. letter after letter forming words, phrases, sentences, complete and fragmented. but i don't get enough. and when i do, like now, it's a stolen moment. i feel guilty. i shouldn't be here. i can't afford it. i should be working. i should be resting. i should be rehearsing. i should be praying. i should be somewhere else.

i have no words for guilt
i have no words for many things
i can't even accurately describe this moment. all i've got is "this sucks"....

and on that note, i'm off to walk through this and wave my fist at God. don't worry, He knows it's coming and He's ready to give me a piece of His mind. and i'm almost ready to listen.

thank God for feet.

it's the same

i feel the way i felt with george w. won....the winds of change are upon us! the signs of the times continually show.

glad i couldn't vote....gives me permission to gripe whenever i choose. because, of course, had i been allowed to vote, things would be different.

right.

yeah.

whatever.

it's the same.

i'm still sleep deprived.

i'd like you to travel with me

not enough, not enough

i've desired this moment for days. and for days i've either had much to do or have lacked the sense to schedule this in making it nothing more than a passing thought.

ah. sadness.

and no, i didn't schedule it in today and i don't have a moment to spare really. i'm stealing from other responsibilities.

is this a responsibility? yes, even if only for my sanity.

(i'm feeling melodramatic)

good day world. wish i had more time to greet you. let us not be mere strangers for much longer.

okay, i'm tired. and i've got to go.

till later...may better words find me then...