high speed

while the loading of my blog reminds me of how nice it would be to have a speedier internet connection, being home reminds me of how i felt exactly a year ago when i returned to alberta from chicago not wanting to work but feeling an extreme urge to be doing something like work.

let me explain the whole work thing. i don't like doing it because it's often a chore. "dud" may be your response to that sentence but listen, i'm tired of working. i just want to have fun. and i realize that when i'm enjoying my job, the word "work" doesn't come into play.

so...even though i felt rejuvenated a few days ago and said that as soon as i come home, i'll get cracking, i'm now back to that scared state. do i do music? do i continue to write? do i do both? do i try to find a teaching job? (NO to that one) do i get a plane ticket to london and mooch off my grandmothers for a while? (NO again)

yeah, i need a rigorous schedule. it does wonders, really. for two weeks, my days were planned so well that i treasure every drop of sleep. i have come back with the same idea about sleep, though. that's good. i was in bed before 11pm last night! i've made some progress. if nothing else, nashville taught me to go to bed early whenever possible...and it taught me a whole lot more too.

i learned to face my fears. i've hung my music school name tag (we had to wear it in order to eat in the caf) on my master's grad cap which sits on my masters diploma which hangs on my wall. i've graduated from fear.

it's time to work...