17.7.05

nashville - day 1

i didn't get any sleep last night so at minutes to 8 at night, i'm more than exhausted! i don't even know how to describe this. as i waited to board the plane this morning, i began journaling my emotions. i was conflicted. i hate leaving home in a rush. i like to have everything in order and time to breath before i leave. and having been gone already this summer twice, this morning felt wrong for various reasons. but after writing and writing and writing some more, i realized the main reason from my angst: i was venturing off to confront my greatest fear. that's what the pursuit of music is for me. and even though i'm here to learn, i can't help but think of the possible doors this will open on a professional level. THAT scares me. i want music but i don't want all that comes with it, necessarily. music is the one thing i've always loved. it's my earliest memory of what makes me smile inside.

i'm glad, very glad that i decided to come, that i took hold of the opportunity given me to make this trip (yay for parents!). and most of all, i'm understanding the contentment that comes when you step out into some unknown (only because you know God wants you to) and you reach a point of peace. you don't necessarily now know why exactly you're where you are but you know it's right. you know 10000000% that it's right. it's not a happiness. it's somewhat beyond that. and i'm not even sure of what joy is exactly so i don't want to use that word to describe this. all i know is that

i
am
where
i
need
to
be

my lovely roommate's name is allison. she's a singer/actor from toronto. i've also met two teenage girls from cali and a teenage boy from illinois. and then there's ben speer, his son, his sister, and other family members all so chill with their lovely southern accents. the sponge in me will pick it up for sure and have to concentrate quite hard not to sound like a mimic.

the dorm rooms are tiny but not much different from AU. how did i ever live in that space?

it's hot but the air conditioned buildings are gross. i hate AC. yes, i HATE AC. it provides a horrible chill. it's so unnatural. they need to create natural ACs. i'm afraid of catching a cold. i've already sneezed.

anyway, the campus is lovely. it's trevecca nazarene university. i've seen 2 more black people. am i in tennesee or alberta? hee hee.

and oh, for those of you who are familiar with bill gaither and all his southern gospel singing friends, allison durham (she sings "he's worthy, God's worthy, almighty, creator, alpha, omega, beginning and the end.....") who's voice i absolutely love and who i would one day love to wail like, is the performance training coach!! oh yeah! i'm on my way to heaven!! so aside from the 5 voice lessons i'll have from stephen hill, i'll get all this time with ms durham (not necessarily one on one but who cares?) and i know i'll learn some great stuff.

well, it's time to go. when i figure out my phone number i'll let you know (via email that is). i've got to go make my bed and figure out where to iron and all of that jazz. and then, it's bed! i need sleep like...i was going to make a comparison but could only think of very negative mean ones so i'll just stick to the fact that i need sleep.

oh yeah, we have curfew. 11pm! trust me, it's a good thing. i'll finally be on a good sleep schedule. i'll wake with the birds and walk before 7 am breakfast. i'm feelin better already.

till later...

1 comment:

girlblessed said...

"...i realized the main reason from my angst: i was venturing off to confront my greatest fear. that's what the pursuit of music is for me..."

Wow. I never knew you felt that way before. When I read those words, I realized that that is exactly what I am afraid of - pursuing my dream of music.

"...i can't help but think of the possible doors this will open on a professional level. THAT scares me..."

So true , so TRUE! I am deathly afraid - I feel your pain sister! Only thing is, your are venturing out - your not allowing that fear to cripple you, like so many of us do.

"... music is the one thing i've always loved. it's my earliest memory of what makes me smile inside..."

Once again, I so relate with that. My singing is the one thing that I brought with me when I "found a new life" with Jesus. I beleive that He gave me that particular gift to help me with the emotional pain that I went through. Praise God for music - where would I be today without it?

Well girl - you go ahead and do your thing. If you ever doubt for one second that pursuing your dream is the wrong thing to do, read the book "The Dreamgiver", by Bruce Wilkinson. It will encourage you. And, of course, keep looking out for the hand of God that is guiding you.

I pray that God will continue to bless you as go out and follow your dreams...

KEEP ON INSPIRING PEOPLE!

girlblessed