body.shape.size

a highly profound thought just crossed my mind, one i'm sure you're dying to read! so here you go....

it's nice to live in a region of north america in which shapely white women reside. and i'm not talking about 50 yr old white women who've "let themselves go"....no, i'm talking about 25, 28, 33 yr olds who exercise, eat well, sleep well, and wake up shapely and confident.

it's nice because it has relaxed me subconsciously. i've never been obsessed about whether or not my body is the shape and size of models or celebs. but i've had my share of body concern, not wanting to be skinny but being afraid to be too much more than lean. i've known for years that my ideas of beauty are more often than not socially constructed. i've known that the typical white, blonde, blue-eyed, model size female has been the standard i'll never be able to rise to and shouldn't have to. i'm quite alright being black-skinned, black-haired, brown-eyed, etc....my hair has long been the one thing that's set me apart from women both white and black.

but with all this knowledge, it's not till now that i'm most comfortable being me, not until my environment's changed to not reflect city strutters. and because i'm not in school, i'm not bombarded by wannabe, mimicky, insecure, false-representations-of self-via-fashion chicks...well, not usually.

all that is to say this: it's a shame that i'm still being defined by what i'm not. it has taken the presence of white shapely girls to make me feel comfortable in my black shapely skin....maybe one day i'll just be me, comfortably me....