question

when someone asks how are you? are you required to answer truthfully?

i've often responded in truth but haven't been heard. the words i'm sick seem to translate into i'm fine. and are responded to with good, good. and a part of me hopes that the guilty party doesn't see the disdain within me that's most likely now written on my face. and another part of me wishes for the guilty party's quick disappearance. how dare you ask and not listen?

but then there's the other scenario.

i've had a rough day that i'd rather not talk about. someone asks how i'm doing. i answer based on the tiny bit of optimism that found its way into my life despite the frustration and pain during the 10 hours i've been awake. am i still being honest by only spouting that tiny optimism?

i take pride in my honesty. over the last several months, i've discovered how freeing it is to not only tell the truth but to admit the truth and not run from the truth even if the truth stings. but it's obviously not always an easy thing. i just didn't think something as simple as a how are you would trip me up, would start my mind running.

answers are often hard to come by. resting in a state of unknowns, i bury my head and cry. but hope comes in moments. i take hold of each and know one thing -- i will be fine.