so i'm walking through the dorm, enjoying the comfort of my thrift store sweater when a student, probably no more than 19, says "my friend had that sweater. she wore it from 8th grade aaaaall the way to 12th." she said it with such pride in her memory. i heard it and felt the need to throw the sweater away even though 8th grade could have just been 5 years ago for this girl. why do i want a 5-yr-old sweater? forget the fact that it's comfortable and warm and bright and happy!!
thanks chick! now i feel really old and outdated, behind the fashion times...i might as well be wrinkly, rocking elastic waist band pants with big ugly comfort shoes from stride rite.
okay, enough melodrama...
this is why i usually buy boring clothes that have a "classic" look.
okay, back to work!
11.12.06
10.12.06
for friends
i'm finding myself quite thankful for friends. whether it's a phone message or an email, they're often used by God in the simplest of ways to bless my life. and after i receive the blessing, i can do nothing else but turn to God in praise.
these are the sorts of things that make life possible.
and so i continue to breathe...hoping to be a blessing in return.
these are the sorts of things that make life possible.
and so i continue to breathe...hoping to be a blessing in return.
8.12.06
when
whenigrowupi'llbe
married
with children
and a house...preferably with a lot of land
and a dog outside
and a reliable car
working just enough
spending quality time with the fam
and
happy
and nowthati'mgrownup
i'm somewhere on my way to some of that
but what matters most
what i consider paramount
is that i'm wherever
doing whatever
with whomever
loving God
i was thinking about age earlier today, about how i'll be 28 in a few months, about how i'm not ready to say that number, about how different life is now from just last year this time, about how i love snow, about how i get to go home next week, about how i should really get to bed earlier on the weekends
married
with children
and a house...preferably with a lot of land
and a dog outside
and a reliable car
working just enough
spending quality time with the fam
and
happy
and nowthati'mgrownup
i'm somewhere on my way to some of that
but what matters most
what i consider paramount
is that i'm wherever
doing whatever
with whomever
loving God
i was thinking about age earlier today, about how i'll be 28 in a few months, about how i'm not ready to say that number, about how different life is now from just last year this time, about how i love snow, about how i get to go home next week, about how i should really get to bed earlier on the weekends
7.12.06
the same God
today God told me something really important. He said that i've seen Him in action this week as the God who gives peace and focus when papers are due and i'm lacking sleep. and then He said He's the same God at the beginning and middle of the semester.
....so why am i waiting until now to plead for extra strength when i could have had it 2 months ago? well, i didn't want it 2 months ago. i mean, i wanted His energy boost and mind clarifying power but i wasn't so desperate for it.
i need to always be desperate...not on a panic level...
it's like the song:
and i, i'm desperate for You
and i, i'm lost without You
that sort of longing shouldn't be 3 months in the making...
sidenote:
i got to sing jazzy christmas songs tonight at an assisted living facility. it was beautiful, a very good way to begin the wrap up of a very long week
....so why am i waiting until now to plead for extra strength when i could have had it 2 months ago? well, i didn't want it 2 months ago. i mean, i wanted His energy boost and mind clarifying power but i wasn't so desperate for it.
i need to always be desperate...not on a panic level...
it's like the song:
and i, i'm desperate for You
and i, i'm lost without You
that sort of longing shouldn't be 3 months in the making...
sidenote:
i got to sing jazzy christmas songs tonight at an assisted living facility. it was beautiful, a very good way to begin the wrap up of a very long week
6.12.06
impossibilities
when i get stressed i desire to rearrange, clean, go shopping...anything but what i'm supposed to be doing. but today has been productive...why that word? why must i be PRODUCTIVE?
anyway, today has been filled with the desire to get my word study paper complete for tomorrow (which is actually today coz dec 6th is now quite over) i need at least 6 pages and i know the only way i'll get it done is by holding on to God.
in this scenario, holding onto God means asking Him for direction every step of the way. it means listening to and obeying the still small voice that says "it would be good to make photocopies of those resources right now, since the library will soon close, instead of trying to type a million words in the next 30 minutes." the voice also says "don't stay up. get some sleep and i'll wake you when it's time."
that's how the impossibilities of my life all have to be worked out--holding onto God. but i'm so quick to forget. 5 months from now i may be stressed out again, wondering how in the world i'll get everything done.
grace takes my impossibilities, crumples them up and tosses them gently into the nearest trash can. then grace calms me down and helps me focus, surrounds me with encouraging people, brings lovely songs to mind...and the task is completed.
now, i don't know that it'll be perfect but that doesn't worry me.
anyway, today has been filled with the desire to get my word study paper complete for tomorrow (which is actually today coz dec 6th is now quite over) i need at least 6 pages and i know the only way i'll get it done is by holding on to God.
in this scenario, holding onto God means asking Him for direction every step of the way. it means listening to and obeying the still small voice that says "it would be good to make photocopies of those resources right now, since the library will soon close, instead of trying to type a million words in the next 30 minutes." the voice also says "don't stay up. get some sleep and i'll wake you when it's time."
that's how the impossibilities of my life all have to be worked out--holding onto God. but i'm so quick to forget. 5 months from now i may be stressed out again, wondering how in the world i'll get everything done.
grace takes my impossibilities, crumples them up and tosses them gently into the nearest trash can. then grace calms me down and helps me focus, surrounds me with encouraging people, brings lovely songs to mind...and the task is completed.
now, i don't know that it'll be perfect but that doesn't worry me.
5.12.06
come to me
God uses whatever's in your head to talk to you. while He may sometimes toss in brand new concepts to get your attention, He often makes timely use of the familiar.
take the other day for example when i needed reassurance from God right away. all of a sudden i was singing "you're all i need to get by--y--y"
and then just now when bobbie mcferrin's lovely tune "come to me" started turning in my head, i knew God was speaking.
When I'm feeling anxious in my head
He tell me to come to Him instead
Come to Him when weary
Come to Him when low
He will lift this burden, this I know
Take my yoke upon you learn from me
Take my yoke upon you and you'll see
Come to me I'll strengthen
Come to me I'll help
Come to me I'll still anxiety
So when I find that I have gone astray
I can go to Him and he won't send me away
Come to me I'll strengthen
Come to me I'll help
Come to me and listen what I say
Come, come, come to me
the song came to mind before the bible verse...perhaps that's problematic on some level but for now i'm just thankful God does whatever He can to get through to me.
take the other day for example when i needed reassurance from God right away. all of a sudden i was singing "you're all i need to get by--y--y"
and then just now when bobbie mcferrin's lovely tune "come to me" started turning in my head, i knew God was speaking.
When I'm feeling anxious in my head
He tell me to come to Him instead
Come to Him when weary
Come to Him when low
He will lift this burden, this I know
Take my yoke upon you learn from me
Take my yoke upon you and you'll see
Come to me I'll strengthen
Come to me I'll help
Come to me I'll still anxiety
So when I find that I have gone astray
I can go to Him and he won't send me away
Come to me I'll strengthen
Come to me I'll help
Come to me and listen what I say
Come, come, come to me
the song came to mind before the bible verse...perhaps that's problematic on some level but for now i'm just thankful God does whatever He can to get through to me.
4.12.06
(RED)
http://www.joinred.com/manifesto.asp
totally forgot december 1 was AIDS awareness day. i even read a story about AIDS to a room of highschoolers and still it didn't all click. but better late than never right? (well, sometimes)
so here's what i read:
AIDS
I do my best not to make eye contact. If you make eye contact, they talk to you. “They” includes homeless people, beggars, poor folk selling Streetwise magazines on busy Chicago sidewalks. With my head down, I turn the corner.
“Hello sir. I just want to talk to you for a moment.”
Man! He’s talking to me. I stop and listen.
“Oh, hi ma’am. No trouble. Oh, you’re a young lady; excuse me. I’d like to get your signature for the AIDS walk tomorrow. You can sign right here. I have AIDS.” He offers his hand. He’s really anxious and he looks so…so…I don’t know that there’s a word. I’d have to describe every detail. But I can’t remember every detail. It’s just that so much is wrong with him, so much is not 100%.
WOW. And I’m shaking your hand. I say nothing…he continues to make conversation.
“I’m blind in my left eye.”
I’m partially blind in my left eye, I say to myself.
“You are a young lady, right?”
“Yes.”
“You can just sign right here.” He’s really eager to get my signature. So many thoughts are racing through my head. I’m confused.
“But I don’t understand. Why do you need me to sign this?”
“It’s in support of the AIDS walk.”
It finally clicks. “Oh. I need to give a donation.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t have any money to give.” I’ve conditioned myself to say it.
“I’ll take a penny. I’ll say thank you for a penny.”
“I’m so sorry. I really don’t have any money to give.”
“That’s all right. Have a good day now.”
And we part ways. He hurries on down the road to collect more signatures, more money. I carry on around the corner, homeward bound with a hand that has just shaken death. And for a moment I think of how much more peaceful it may be to know the cause of your pending death, how much better it may be to know the cause of your weak body, how I’d like answers to my condition. I think, momentarily, that I won’t wash my hand for a while in order to retain the memory of my conclusion.
I know I shouldn’t compare my plight with his but it’s hard not to. He has answers. I don’t. And, for a moment, that’s what makes my blindness so unfair.
totally forgot december 1 was AIDS awareness day. i even read a story about AIDS to a room of highschoolers and still it didn't all click. but better late than never right? (well, sometimes)
so here's what i read:
AIDS
I do my best not to make eye contact. If you make eye contact, they talk to you. “They” includes homeless people, beggars, poor folk selling Streetwise magazines on busy Chicago sidewalks. With my head down, I turn the corner.
“Hello sir. I just want to talk to you for a moment.”
Man! He’s talking to me. I stop and listen.
“Oh, hi ma’am. No trouble. Oh, you’re a young lady; excuse me. I’d like to get your signature for the AIDS walk tomorrow. You can sign right here. I have AIDS.” He offers his hand. He’s really anxious and he looks so…so…I don’t know that there’s a word. I’d have to describe every detail. But I can’t remember every detail. It’s just that so much is wrong with him, so much is not 100%.
WOW. And I’m shaking your hand. I say nothing…he continues to make conversation.
“I’m blind in my left eye.”
I’m partially blind in my left eye, I say to myself.
“You are a young lady, right?”
“Yes.”
“You can just sign right here.” He’s really eager to get my signature. So many thoughts are racing through my head. I’m confused.
“But I don’t understand. Why do you need me to sign this?”
“It’s in support of the AIDS walk.”
It finally clicks. “Oh. I need to give a donation.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t have any money to give.” I’ve conditioned myself to say it.
“I’ll take a penny. I’ll say thank you for a penny.”
“I’m so sorry. I really don’t have any money to give.”
“That’s all right. Have a good day now.”
And we part ways. He hurries on down the road to collect more signatures, more money. I carry on around the corner, homeward bound with a hand that has just shaken death. And for a moment I think of how much more peaceful it may be to know the cause of your pending death, how much better it may be to know the cause of your weak body, how I’d like answers to my condition. I think, momentarily, that I won’t wash my hand for a while in order to retain the memory of my conclusion.
I know I shouldn’t compare my plight with his but it’s hard not to. He has answers. I don’t. And, for a moment, that’s what makes my blindness so unfair.