in an essential sermon, shot strait from the hip and into my heart, i heard truth. i wish i heard more of it regularly.
today has been weird. it began comme d'habitude....i woke up tired. slowly but surely, i got myself together, ate and all that good stuff. i made it to the week of prayer morning service at cuc...it was a blessing. then i walked out of the church and received an invitation that humbles me and also gives me a sense of honor. i won't discuss it in detail because this isn't one of those things to blab about. i need to think more about it and pray about it. in fact, it's probably something i won't ever discuss in detail until the final results are in.
after lunch i carried on with planned activities. i got materials in order for my esl class, did some more research for my encyclopedia article, ran a few errands. then it was supper time. i ate light -- fruit and such. then i went to my class. it's the first in a weekly series of conversation classes. it was fabulous. my students were so much fun and it was good to see them smiling. i love the classroom! i just hate HATE grading. and with this, there is none of that mess.
afterwards, i went to the evening meeting...another blessing. and now i'm typing away at home, knowing that i should have saved this for the morning and gone to bed right away. but no, writing can't wait. *insert rolled eyes*
and though i'm about to carry on comme d'habitude, prep for bed then go to bed, life is no longer usual. some invitations don't shake your foundation. they simply place you on a new one, one you've often thought about but never dared to dream about.
here i go...
27.9.05
26.9.05
honesty
it's the word i can't seem to get enough of. it jumps out of my mouth just about every too seconds. i should be honest, you should be honest, we should be honest, too many aren't trying to be honest, we're all afraid of being honest.
and as soon as i want to be honest, i lie, fully conscious of my lie and ready to give myself another lecture, another chance. self-grace...
we lie for self-preservation.
we speak truth for freedom.
and as soon as i want to be honest, i lie, fully conscious of my lie and ready to give myself another lecture, another chance. self-grace...
we lie for self-preservation.
we speak truth for freedom.
25.9.05
lighten up? i'll just keep it real...
am i too rigid? am i so old-school that i can’t chill, have a little fun? no. i just don’t mind playing by the rules. and i know that when you do so, you can still have a whole lot of fun. yes. okay. case closed.
on to other news....i've made some decisions and i really like them. and i find that important...liking the decisions. and i'm excited about following through. and following through requires me to get to bed and sleep so that my morning can be productive.
but before i get there...
it's good to look back then look at now and see a whole lot of positives in the future all because i keep on cutting more crap.
yup.
on to other news....i've made some decisions and i really like them. and i find that important...liking the decisions. and i'm excited about following through. and following through requires me to get to bed and sleep so that my morning can be productive.
but before i get there...
it's good to look back then look at now and see a whole lot of positives in the future all because i keep on cutting more crap.
yup.
22.9.05
flash back...flash forward
the last several days have been so busy. i wake up each morning feeling as if i just went to bed. for all the fatigue, i should be rolling in millions by now. but that's alright...i'm rolling in blessings. honestly, i'm not yet where i want to be. you know, traveling singer/writer, performing before scores of faces...yes, i'll admit it; i want a bit of glam. but just enough to ensure that the message of hope reaches as many as possible! i'll be famous if i know it's for a good cause. hee hee. and in the meantime, i'm already seeing God's grace at work and His amazing forms of motivation.
today, for example, a friend told me of a speaking opportunity just gained. i got all excited as if it was my opportunity. i'm just so excited when i think about ministry. it really is the best thing out there regardless of the form it comes in. no, you don't have to be a pastor or a singing evangelist. you just have to be willing to say, here's my number Jesus; call me anytime it pleases. and He calls. and you answer. and it just gets better from there.
right now i'm listening to a new version of an old song Jesus, You're the Centre of My Joy. it's a cappella and fabulous. amidst the lovely chords, the message screams at me. He's centre...not peripheral...not sometimish. He's it. He's where all the good stuff begins and ends.
and as i continue to spend hours working toward my goals, as i daydream about how it can all one day be, i'm confident that where i am right now is where i need to be. it's not all rosey. i'm still confused about some things but they're not the major things. so i'm alright.
Jesus, You're the centre of my joy
all that's good and perfect comes from You
You're the heart of my contentment
Hope for all i do
Jesus, You're the centre of my joy
it's simple folks, really simple.
today, for example, a friend told me of a speaking opportunity just gained. i got all excited as if it was my opportunity. i'm just so excited when i think about ministry. it really is the best thing out there regardless of the form it comes in. no, you don't have to be a pastor or a singing evangelist. you just have to be willing to say, here's my number Jesus; call me anytime it pleases. and He calls. and you answer. and it just gets better from there.
right now i'm listening to a new version of an old song Jesus, You're the Centre of My Joy. it's a cappella and fabulous. amidst the lovely chords, the message screams at me. He's centre...not peripheral...not sometimish. He's it. He's where all the good stuff begins and ends.
and as i continue to spend hours working toward my goals, as i daydream about how it can all one day be, i'm confident that where i am right now is where i need to be. it's not all rosey. i'm still confused about some things but they're not the major things. so i'm alright.
Jesus, You're the centre of my joy
all that's good and perfect comes from You
You're the heart of my contentment
Hope for all i do
Jesus, You're the centre of my joy
it's simple folks, really simple.
12.9.05
9/11, skepticism, realism, build a schism
oprah. oh oprah. here i go to badmouth, once again, one of your shows. but at least this time i watched it for 10 minutes, okay?
alright.
here goes.
the man sound rehearsed. sounds like he told his mother, told his wife, told his brother, told his co-workers, told his baker, told his butcher, told his grandson's history class, told the postman, told his co-workers again, told his local tv station, told that one really dramatic co-worker one more time, then talked to oprah.
rehearsed.
or am i just a skeptic? i can't doubt that he checked in the terrorists. that one has hard evidence. i can't doubt it, not even subconsciously. but i have to wonder. did he really see hatred in that mans eyes? did he really think to himself that this was the face of a terrorist before it all went down? were those real tears just now? does oprah even believe him? she's lookin skeptical too...
let's be real. a person's eyes do say a lot. a cold stare can send chills up and down your spine. but sir, you're such a good storyteller, too good i think. but that's just my opinion, right?
and i'm not here to build schisms, design living spaces for contrary ideologies
i'm not here to pour cheap concrete, lay foundations for things i do not believe...
alright.
here goes.
the man sound rehearsed. sounds like he told his mother, told his wife, told his brother, told his co-workers, told his baker, told his butcher, told his grandson's history class, told the postman, told his co-workers again, told his local tv station, told that one really dramatic co-worker one more time, then talked to oprah.
rehearsed.
or am i just a skeptic? i can't doubt that he checked in the terrorists. that one has hard evidence. i can't doubt it, not even subconsciously. but i have to wonder. did he really see hatred in that mans eyes? did he really think to himself that this was the face of a terrorist before it all went down? were those real tears just now? does oprah even believe him? she's lookin skeptical too...
let's be real. a person's eyes do say a lot. a cold stare can send chills up and down your spine. but sir, you're such a good storyteller, too good i think. but that's just my opinion, right?
and i'm not here to build schisms, design living spaces for contrary ideologies
i'm not here to pour cheap concrete, lay foundations for things i do not believe...
8.9.05
time
it's been a busy time, these last several days. preparing for a mini-concert and a church performance. my energy levels are crazy and i should get to bed soon to hopefully increase them.
strep throat is evil. how can something that attacks the throat damage your entire body? okay, so maybe not my entire body but hey, when my energy's so low, it seems like my whole body's gone.
anyway, by this time next week, i'll hopefully have a new tune.
till then...
strep throat is evil. how can something that attacks the throat damage your entire body? okay, so maybe not my entire body but hey, when my energy's so low, it seems like my whole body's gone.
anyway, by this time next week, i'll hopefully have a new tune.
till then...
4.9.05
if i'd
if i'd been reacting in an age-appropriate manner to destruction all my life, maybe i'd know how to feel now.
if i'd been honest voicing my frustration with destruction all my life, maybe i'd know how to speak now.
but maybe i can learn. but maybe i don't have to.
i can only feel what rocks my boat. i can only speak of what i know. i know corruption. i know injustice. i know tears. i know frustration. but when they come packaged in a wrapping i've never seen, i'm silent.
katrina is a foreign wrapping. i look at her and have minimal emotions. but i look at what she's unearthed and i stare as a million thoughts run without order through my veins, the thoughts that have kept my blood running, have kept my hands writing.
why must it take us so long to love each other? why do we choose to fight instead of to love?
if i'd been honest voicing my frustration with destruction all my life, maybe i'd know how to speak now.
but maybe i can learn. but maybe i don't have to.
i can only feel what rocks my boat. i can only speak of what i know. i know corruption. i know injustice. i know tears. i know frustration. but when they come packaged in a wrapping i've never seen, i'm silent.
katrina is a foreign wrapping. i look at her and have minimal emotions. but i look at what she's unearthed and i stare as a million thoughts run without order through my veins, the thoughts that have kept my blood running, have kept my hands writing.
why must it take us so long to love each other? why do we choose to fight instead of to love?
2.9.05
katrina = reality check
we're americans and we're used to winning -- lou dobbs
sorry lou; that's probably why you're losing now.
i don't mean to sound flippant regarding what's been going down down south but man, it's hard. and all this discussion about who's at fault, who was slow, who has been inefficient, etc., isn't getting anything done except adding to the hot air supply. let's deal with the "who" later, when everyone's been adequately housed and fed. and even though i'd love to slam the president, i'd rather talk about this:
readiness. if a hurricane can be tracked and categorized before it hits and yet thousands are left, due to their poverty (and/or race), to suffer and die, how prepared are we for anything? and who are we most willing to service, to love? when will we decide that spending billions on actual people we can find is more important than spending on a man we can't? what drives our priorities?
and yes, part of this is racial. now listen. how relief efforts work right now may not be racial. BUT. how long has new orleans had such a high rate of poverty among it's african american population? and how much of a desire has the local to federal government had to change that all these years? and how much of that desire has been funded and actualized .......................................... yeah, that's what i thought. not good enough. so now, when all these black folks can't afford to leave home, it's racial. suffering has to begin somewhere. we'd rather go to africa and teach women and children how to read, than educate black folks. yes. it's the truth. and yes, we all reach an age of accountability and should be held accountable for every wrong action we commit to, but when we can't drive black, can't shop black, can't eat black, can't go to a decent school (though no child should be left behind), can't date anyone we like, can't get recognition unless we sing, dance or dunk, can't live anywhere we like, can't, can't, can't...how can we be expected to pack our bags, hop in our toyota and head to higher ground?
step by step. that's often how things grow. that's often how things are torn apart.
am i ready to die? do i have the knowledge and have i lived a godly life that will permit me a quick and safe trip out of this mess one day? and what about others? have i payed them enough active attention to help them leave? will they be ready? yeah, this is a sign of the time and no, we don't have much time.
if i have one, i'm going to name my daughter Katrina. it actually means "pure" but (to me) it now means "reality check" -- my child will walk around with her head high making sure folks know what's what. she'll have a presence that's unprecedented. she'll shake up the status quo causing all sorts of disasters and she'll do it all in the name of love. and in a way, that's the purest thing i know.
sorry lou; that's probably why you're losing now.
i don't mean to sound flippant regarding what's been going down down south but man, it's hard. and all this discussion about who's at fault, who was slow, who has been inefficient, etc., isn't getting anything done except adding to the hot air supply. let's deal with the "who" later, when everyone's been adequately housed and fed. and even though i'd love to slam the president, i'd rather talk about this:
readiness. if a hurricane can be tracked and categorized before it hits and yet thousands are left, due to their poverty (and/or race), to suffer and die, how prepared are we for anything? and who are we most willing to service, to love? when will we decide that spending billions on actual people we can find is more important than spending on a man we can't? what drives our priorities?
and yes, part of this is racial. now listen. how relief efforts work right now may not be racial. BUT. how long has new orleans had such a high rate of poverty among it's african american population? and how much of a desire has the local to federal government had to change that all these years? and how much of that desire has been funded and actualized .......................................... yeah, that's what i thought. not good enough. so now, when all these black folks can't afford to leave home, it's racial. suffering has to begin somewhere. we'd rather go to africa and teach women and children how to read, than educate black folks. yes. it's the truth. and yes, we all reach an age of accountability and should be held accountable for every wrong action we commit to, but when we can't drive black, can't shop black, can't eat black, can't go to a decent school (though no child should be left behind), can't date anyone we like, can't get recognition unless we sing, dance or dunk, can't live anywhere we like, can't, can't, can't...how can we be expected to pack our bags, hop in our toyota and head to higher ground?
step by step. that's often how things grow. that's often how things are torn apart.
am i ready to die? do i have the knowledge and have i lived a godly life that will permit me a quick and safe trip out of this mess one day? and what about others? have i payed them enough active attention to help them leave? will they be ready? yeah, this is a sign of the time and no, we don't have much time.
if i have one, i'm going to name my daughter Katrina. it actually means "pure" but (to me) it now means "reality check" -- my child will walk around with her head high making sure folks know what's what. she'll have a presence that's unprecedented. she'll shake up the status quo causing all sorts of disasters and she'll do it all in the name of love. and in a way, that's the purest thing i know.
what can i say
deeply saddened?
outraged?
grieved?
at a loss for words?
no, honestly, it's hard for me to use any of those when i think about my gut reaction to what's going down in Louisiana.
are you serious?
yes. i've said it before and i'll say it again. it's hard for me to think about a bad situation that isn't affecting me personally, and get very emotional about it. it's not how i react naturally. and it may be the result of years of not reacting to a lot of things. i'm sure i can find a way to blame it on my childhood. but that's not quite what i'm about.
you see, i'm one of those people who, while fully aware that a situation stinks (to say the least), more often than not will say, this is just another sign of the mess we're in and how much closer we are to getting out. i consider myself an optimistic realist. that's up for debate perhaps but instead of pondering the awful nature of life, i'd rather look at the big picture and concoct a way to make things better. no, i don't want to send money to relief efforts. i don't even have money to send. and as far as i'm concerned, Oprah, Bill G, Donald, and a few others need to open their banks along side the U.S. government and there will be enough money. Bush II needs to feed the people by any means necessary, etc, etc.
yes, my role has nothing to do with money. it has everything to do with where i am. the context for my work has nothing to do with Louisiana though my prayers should have everything to do with Louisiana. my context is Lacombe, Alberta (Canada) where thousands of people may not have the understanding of God they should have. and where hundreds aren't getting the kind of food they need. and others aren't getting the kind of clean entertainment they should be. some know nothing of contentment or grace. others have skewed notions of love, etc, etc.
this is where my eyes look, my strength goes. i'm not here to save...i don't have that kind of power. i'm here to use what God's given me every single day.
outraged?
grieved?
at a loss for words?
no, honestly, it's hard for me to use any of those when i think about my gut reaction to what's going down in Louisiana.
are you serious?
yes. i've said it before and i'll say it again. it's hard for me to think about a bad situation that isn't affecting me personally, and get very emotional about it. it's not how i react naturally. and it may be the result of years of not reacting to a lot of things. i'm sure i can find a way to blame it on my childhood. but that's not quite what i'm about.
you see, i'm one of those people who, while fully aware that a situation stinks (to say the least), more often than not will say, this is just another sign of the mess we're in and how much closer we are to getting out. i consider myself an optimistic realist. that's up for debate perhaps but instead of pondering the awful nature of life, i'd rather look at the big picture and concoct a way to make things better. no, i don't want to send money to relief efforts. i don't even have money to send. and as far as i'm concerned, Oprah, Bill G, Donald, and a few others need to open their banks along side the U.S. government and there will be enough money. Bush II needs to feed the people by any means necessary, etc, etc.
yes, my role has nothing to do with money. it has everything to do with where i am. the context for my work has nothing to do with Louisiana though my prayers should have everything to do with Louisiana. my context is Lacombe, Alberta (Canada) where thousands of people may not have the understanding of God they should have. and where hundreds aren't getting the kind of food they need. and others aren't getting the kind of clean entertainment they should be. some know nothing of contentment or grace. others have skewed notions of love, etc, etc.
this is where my eyes look, my strength goes. i'm not here to save...i don't have that kind of power. i'm here to use what God's given me every single day.