ah, food

I must confess...I've been a Scrooge...

For the first time, the entire season could come and go and I wouldn't mind. (Some of you know how I've been "bah humbugging" Christmas music and I make no apologies coz so much of it truly stinks.) And I've concluded that my lack of enthusiasm is all because this is the first time in my life that Christmas isn't a big break from something such as school or work or some major stress factor. When I realized that, I realized that for many years, I've been caught up in the gift giving (not a bad thing necessarily) and the vegetating (also not necessarily a bad thing) but I've lost the focus on Jesus. (Don't worry, I don't wish to dive into all the brouhaha�love that word�concerning the Conservative Christians and their war on commercialism, etc.)

Yesterday, my pastor said some things that helped me figure out what to do with my Scroogeness. He preached on having the "mind of Christ" and asking ourselves how Christmas will change our tomorrows. He said that we've got to live as if we believe that our world is in need of a Savior. I'm presently clutching those concepts, taking seriously the notion that this season often passes with nothing more than an extra few pounds gained and a lot of money spent. But Jesus was born so that whether or not I sing Christmas songs, I have the opportunity to be reborn. THAT is beautiful reality, one I wish to spend more time pondering and allowing to impact my existence.

Today is a lovely day, not because of the great food I anticipate (my dad's going to make fried dumplings and I'm baking a few apple cobblers to give away...YUMMY), but because I've finally realized what matters most. It's meaningful to me, it's life changing for me.

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year! I pray that you take in all the blessings of today and the days to come. Thanks for being part of my world J

Love you,
Michaela L.

question

when someone asks how are you? are you required to answer truthfully?

i've often responded in truth but haven't been heard. the words i'm sick seem to translate into i'm fine. and are responded to with good, good. and a part of me hopes that the guilty party doesn't see the disdain within me that's most likely now written on my face. and another part of me wishes for the guilty party's quick disappearance. how dare you ask and not listen?

but then there's the other scenario.

i've had a rough day that i'd rather not talk about. someone asks how i'm doing. i answer based on the tiny bit of optimism that found its way into my life despite the frustration and pain during the 10 hours i've been awake. am i still being honest by only spouting that tiny optimism?

i take pride in my honesty. over the last several months, i've discovered how freeing it is to not only tell the truth but to admit the truth and not run from the truth even if the truth stings. but it's obviously not always an easy thing. i just didn't think something as simple as a how are you would trip me up, would start my mind running.

answers are often hard to come by. resting in a state of unknowns, i bury my head and cry. but hope comes in moments. i take hold of each and know one thing -- i will be fine.

not enough

time....

or should i say that there is enough and i just haven't figured out how best to use it all? yes, that's more accurate, je pense. oui!

and that's all i have time for...so sad...too bad.

bigger.than.me.better.than.dreams

it's one of those airplane shots that remind me of how much is beyond me, beyond my best of dreams.

and then it motivates me...to use my time better, to waste not a second, to live as if i actually enjoy living.

so i do it.

my life is again on the cusp of something new, something amazingly beautiful. i have no idea what it is, only that it will be. i'm not ready for it, but somehow that's okay because i'm being prepared. that's called Grace -- with a capital "G" because it's God's.

now off i go. there are only approximately 7 more wake hours left...unless, of course, i take the nap i promised myself this morning.

we'll see.